


A garden so infinite.

by t0talcha0s



Category: Homestuck
Genre: An AU in which Alpha Jade teaches Dirk the ways of science, Grief/Mourning, Jade's last name is English because she changed it for marriage., M/M, POV Dirk, bittersweet relationships, the ending is also bittersweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 22:44:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3627021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t0talcha0s/pseuds/t0talcha0s
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.” ― Alfred Tennyson<br/>In which the creator of an electronics company meets a young boy who drastically changes her life, just as she impacts his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A garden so infinite.

There’s a strange lady on the couch when you walk in. You’re five years old, arm scraped up and tears pricking at the corners of your violent orange eyes, underneath spiked shades. Your brother stops laughing with her when you sniff at him. She’s old, older then your brother with wrinkles at the corners of her eyes. As your brother hefts you onto his lap she gives you a smile.

"This little tyke is Dirk?" You give a sheepish nod and your brother asks you what happened. You explain to him, in great hyperbole, the tale of trying to build your newest creation out of blocks and getting your arm caught in a rather nasty block-slide. You learn the lady has a very nice laugh. As Dave bandages up your arm she asks to see what you were trying to build and your face must have lit up because Dave lets out a chuckle, and pats your back.

"Go on then." He says and you jump off his lap and toddle off to your room with the woman in tow. Dave leans in the doorway as you excitedly show her all your stupid designs, opening up your book of little kid blueprint paper you got for your birthday. She shakes your hand heartily before she leaves.

"You’re a startlingly smart boy for your age, Dirk." You beam. "My name is Jade English, and I’d love to help you improve that talent." She gives you a grand-maternal wink and leaves as Dave gives you a squeeze on the shoulder. You ask to call her the very next day.

-

Jade’s face is slightly fuzzy on Dave’s laptop in the living room. You’re ten and you’ve got the simple electronic’s kit she bought you sprawled out on the couch in front of you. You’re skyping so she can help teach you how to use it. You’ve got the basics down and she always says she’s impressed with how quickly you learn. You know she’s the owner of an up and coming electronics company (Skainet), and very busy, not to mention she lives on her own far away island so the connection is poor. However, she always takes the time to teach you. You adore her, and her lessons. She makes you feel smart, important, and in the absence of your brother while he works on bringing his first script to life, she makes you feel loved. You understand your brother’s trying to get the two of you a better life, but he’s out so often, it’s nice to talk to someone. As you furrow your brow and focus on completing the complex circuit Jade was teaching you, you hear an excited voice and a door opening.

"Grandma!" A little boy says and bounds into the room to give Jade a big hug. "Grandma you’ll never guess what I found!" Then he looks up towards the screen and suddenly the smile he has splits into an even larger buck-toothed grin, and the animal skull in his hands is suddenly not so interesting. You blink at him while Jade introduces the two of you, you give a small wave. It turns out his name is Jake and he’s twelve. He’s got messy black hair and green eyes deeper then Jade’s own. He’s talkative and you’re a bit sad that Jade never got to see the electronics sitting completed in your lap. He’s nice enough however, and eventually Jade has to sign off and you wish her farewell. The last thing you see is her smile to you and her taking the skull Jake presented. Jade calls you back tomorrow to inspect your work and she gives you Jake’s email so you’ll talk to him. Turns out the skull was a seal’s.

-

It is your eleventh birthday and you have never been more excited. You’re practically vibrating with happiness and excitement on the couch because Jade is coming today to celebrate your birthday with you, because Dave can’t be here. You’ve been informed she’ll be here at one o’clock and it’s twelve forty five. You hear a hearty laugh and you know it’s her, but what you don’t expect to come bounding in is an excited green clad Jake. You like him well enough, but you’ve never been all that close to him. When Jade walks in you practically run to give her a hug. She picks you up with an obviously fake grunt. (you’ve seen the things she can lift, not to mention you can feel her intense muscles.)

"Why birthday boy you’re as light as a feather." She easily swings you around as you cling onto her neck with a smile. "I’ll have to fatten you up while I’m here. Good thing I brought cake!" Jake laughs and as you’re put down he gives you a hard handshake.

"Pleasure to meet you in person Strider." Jade leaves the two of you to talk while she retrieves something from the rental car. You show him around and he seems plenty interested in everything. The two of you talk and laugh and you finally begin to warm up to him when Jade walks in with a large trash bag, which hits the floor with a scraping sound. She forces you to sit and wait in anticipation. She and Jake sing (delightfully out of tune but sincere nonetheless) to you and force you to blow out all of your candles on the cake. You do it in one breath. The cake is vanilla, obviously homemade, and decorated with practically neon, obnoxiously bright, messy script proclaiming "Happy Birthday Dirk!" It’s delicious and the icing tastes too much like dye. It’s more then you could have wanted or expected.

Then she brings around the trash bag, which contains more presents then you’ve ever received before. It’s amazing, metal and wires (she tells you she wants you to start building those robots you design), tools, professional blueprint paper, books, an envelope which says “for the future”, and a cool looking Lego kit. You can’t recall how many times you thank her and give both she and Jake grateful hugs. Dave had bought you a laptop, Skainet of course, and you make sure to put in both their chumhandles, along with Roxy, Aunt Rose, Dave, and Jane’s. The three of you joke around for the rest of the night, somehow Jake ends up with icing smeared from nose to hairline, and you swear as you hug them goodbye and force them to promise to come back soon you have never felt happier.

As the door closes behind them silence settles over the apartment and in the moment of stillness you have never felt lonelier.

-

It’s been three weeks and Jade sits waiting on the other end of a webcam. You have a sheet unceremoniously draped over the project in front of you. She gives a drum roll and you whip the sheet off of the robot beneath it. It’s a little square and simplistic in design, but as he gives a metallic,

"Hey dawg!" To Jade her face lights up.

"Why Dirk he’s magnificent! What’s his name?"

"His name’s Squarewave," you explain. "He raps." You’re so happy that she likes him and that he works.

"Why then demonstrate!!" Her laughs are the perfect background to his raps, you think. She gives a rousing round of applause after his performance and her smile is wider then before. It makes her eyes twinkle. "Dirk Strider I am thoroughly impressed. Why if I could I would make you a Skainet engineer this very moment." You beam at her, she’s always too nice. "You’ll have to make him a friend, perhaps a more aerodynamic design. We must discuss it!" After a forty minute conversation you have a new robot all designed on paper, his name will be Sawtooth and you promise you’ll call Jade the minute he’s up and running. She wishes you goodnight and blows a kiss.

-

Rain patters on the roof and the English’s faces are excited on your screen. You’re sixteen and the shades perched on your nose slide downward a little at the angle. You’re sitting cross legged on your couch in pool ball pajama pants and a tank top, laptop set in front of you.

"Gosh Dirk you’re a freakin’ twig!" Was the first thing out of an eighteen year old Jake’s mouth.

"Oh shut up we can’t all be buff island boys, bro. Now you got the packages?" They hold up two, admittedly poorly, wrapped packages and you nod.

"Why did you insist we do this with you on camera?"

"Shh, I was being sappy-" Jade lets out an over dramatic gasp at that and Jake snickers. "Hush! Okay. So as you probably know there’s a certain electronics exhibition coming up in a few months. Our beloved Skainet’s largest competition, Crockercorp is, in fact, going to be there. So of course we all know Skainet needed to go." You trail off motioning your hands for them to open their boxes. Jake flips his open excitedly and Jade opens hers with equal fervor. You hear a genuine gasp this time as she pulls out vendor passes and confirmation of a booth. Jake pulls some plane tickets out of his. Jade looks at you with almost watery eyes.

"Dirk Strider!"

"How did you afford all this Dirk!?" Jake asks.

"I’ve been saving up for a while now." You shrug. "Take it as an apology for sending such weak birthday gifts." Jade gives you a smile to rival the stars.

"You had better be coming as well, Strider. You’ve been Skainet’s little protege after all." Jake laughs and you nod.

"Wouldn’t miss it for the world."

-

People shuffle excitedly around the Skainet booth. You stand next to Jade and you are so happy she’s here. Jake has his arm thrown around you and you’re surprised he’s not still thanking you. Jade is running this booth like a well oiled (Skainet brand) machine, and you could not be happier.

"This is extravagant." Jake says.

"This is perfect." You say, with a hint of a pleased sigh, slinging your arm around his broad shoulders.

-

You are sixteen and your world has collapsed.

The funeral was beautiful, but so so wrong. Dave actually came for it, he had dropped his suitcase the minute he saw you and tugged you into a hug. You cried. So much you cried. As if somehow the tears could fill the hole in your life that was so violently ripped open. Dave held one of your hands and Jake held the other.

"My grandmother was a great woman." Jake’s speech had began. "Not only strong and beautiful and caring but she had an unnameable quality about her that made her truly one of the most remarkable people ever to grace this planet with her presence." You had noticed something was wrong at the funeral, too many professional friends, people who you knew couldn’t truly comprehend Jade’s greatness. A news reporter had tried to film the funeral, and you had to calm Jake down and "politely" tell her to fuck the hell off. It was all wrong.

You want Jade back. You would do absolutely anything to have Jade back. Joy seems forever gone from your worlds. No amount of condolences and untrue “I understand”s can ever fix what happened. For years she has been your world. She taught you the craft you adore, taught you how to do most everything. She made you who you are. Now you can’t look at peanut butter cookies, her favorite, and all the pictures in your room just hurt.

You, Jade, and Jake arms around each other at the Skainet booth. Them with their signature, goofy, beautiful, buck-toothed English smiles. You with a smaller, but genuine smile.

Her with a dastardly smile twinkling in her eyes and her hands on your eighth grade shoulders as you proudly hold up your first place, science fair ribbon. She had entered you in it and insisted she be there to see it. It had been a landslide victory. It wasn’t even a contest. She had been more then eager to see you “slaughter the competition!”

Nine year old you wrapped into a huge hug with her at the airport. Slightly fuzzy and overexposed, and the thumb of the photographer partially in view. Her arms around you and her lips pressed to the top of your head. Your little arms around her in a death grip as if you never wanted her to leave. You never did.

Finally the first photo of the two of you, both absolutely soaked from the rain. Five year old you in little duck rain boots dangling over her shoulders as you sat on them. Her trusty rain coat wicking away large droplets of water. Your hands clasped on her giant yellow hat for support and a ridiculous smile on your face. You love her so much, it’s just not fair.

You curl up further into the blanket wrapped around you, as if it could protect you from this unbearable pain. Knees tucked against your chest, on your side on the bed, head bowed, tears slipping silently down your cheeks as you squeeze your eyes shut. You hear a knock on the door but you don’t respond. The door creaks open and you expect it to be Miss. Dowley from next door sent by an absent Dave to check on you. You expect Roxy, come to force food down your throat again, and try to help like she always does. You don’t expect your aunt Rose to drift into the room. You pull yourself into a sitting position back against the wall.

"Did Dave send you?" You sniff out trying to clean yourself up and wiping at your eyes.

"Roxy," she confesses "and not to mention my own overwhelming concern for you, Dirk." She walks over to sit on the side of your bed, hand coming to fuss at your hair. You don’t bother pushing her away.

"You don’t understand"you grumble indignantly, honestly you don’t think anyone else understands and you don’t want anyone else to.

"No, not in these particular situation I do not. However, Dirk, you’re the textbook chart of grief." You huff."I know you don’t think I can help, or understand but I’m here to do so. I do understand how you Striders work and I figure I’m the best one to help you through this."

"Rose what can you do!" You push her hand away from it’s place in your hair. She opens her arms for you. "It’s not like you can take her place! No one can! and you can’t understand everything she meant to me!" Tears prickle at the corner of your eyes again and you’re grateful for your shades. "Everyone keeps telling me it’ll be okay and that she’ll always be in my heart, but Rose she’s gone! And it’s not fair and I want her back and-" Rose gently scoots foreword to wrap her arms around you and you bury your head in her shoulder and choke out a sob. "I want her back!"

"I know Dirk, I’m sorry, I know."

-

Dave’s trying so hard. He’s been around more often, trying to talk to you and comfort you. If you’re being honest it’s pissing you off, he’s not her, he’ll never have what you and she had and he ought to stop trying to. You know it’s because he loves you, and you know Dave’s dedicated his life to giving you a better one. But he was never around and Jade was and that is not a hole he can fill.

Rose tells you that Dave does love you and he’s trying to be close to you. You understand it’s rude of you to push him away, but he’s never wanted to be a part of your life before so why should he get to be a part now. Now after you’ve lost the most important person in it. Rose tells you that’s unfair to him. You don’t care.

You didn’t originally trust Rose. She seemed to be able to understand how your mind works without the slightest intrusion. To be truthful it was off putting how she was able to tell you, not what you wanted to hear, but what was true about you and this situation. She could look objectively and not be overcome with emotion like you felt. She made you feel weak. You began to appreciate and open up to her more, which you fear you might regret. You despise feeling vulnerable. You hold a weird sort of respect, fear, trust, and apprehension about Rose.

Dave texts you to see how you’re doing every day. You usually don’t respond. The apartment settles back into your accustomed lonely silence.

-

It’s months later and everything is right, or so you try to convince yourself. Jake’s hand is in yours, with a more romantic intent then ever before. You’re seventeen and sitting in a meeting alongside your boyfriend, who’s trying to put on a strong face. The board of directors of Skainet sits in front of the two of you, and it is quite frankly, extremely intimidating. You give the dark hand around yours a squeeze.

"The intent with which my Grandmother built this company was to provide quality," he emphasizes the word quality, "electronics to the people. She was not trying to outsell Crockercorp or" It’s strange seeing him like this. Businesslike, not his usual goofball-goober self. You don’t like it. You zone out a little during his speech to the board, you love your boyfriend, but he can’t hold a candle to his grandmother. You think, until he squeezes your hand to snap you out of it. "Dirk anything you’d like to add?"

"Mr. English you are a young boy, but we have reason to listen to you." One particularly annoying board member says. "I doubt Mr. Strider’s input is needed."

"Mr. Clark, Dirk Strider is," you stand up, cutting Jake off.

"Yes, I am seventeen, I understand I am too young to hold any respect in your eyes. However, Jade English was my friend and mentor and someone who shaped my life greatly. She often made jokes about making me head of Skainet robotics engineering, and while yes those are jokes, she put an incredible amount of faith in me. In return I came to understand what she wanted in her life, and in her company." You allow yourself to metaphorically give the board the finger, and soon you’re smugly satisfied as you watch your boyfriend fill out paperwork.

You both know he took over Skainet for her. You know you live for her.

-

It’s been years. You’re nineteen now, living with your boyfriend as you get your education and help him run a company he was never meant to take over. You miss her each and every day. There is still a void in your life the size and shape of Jade English. You see her in the stupidest things, a green raincoat on a passing stranger, the smell of motor oil, your boyfriend, and it stings each and every time. A wound that will never heal.

Today is cleaning day, you walk about the house dusting and vacuuming and peaking under things to make sure Jake didn’t leave his shoes anywhere but where they belong. The living room is shining and you’ll deal with the residue of Jake’s muddy boots in the kitchen after you do your own room. Your room is never really messy, but it could use some organization. As you clean your mind flits about from subject to subject.

How Roxy’s coming over the next day, and how you know she’ll question you to see if your weight’s healthy.

How your calculus class is far too easy, and you can’t believe Jeremy in the back row keeps asking all those idiotic questions about such simple material.

How Jade would have loved to meet your AR and how proud she would be. You put down the book you’re moving and sigh, sitting on the edge of your bed. Looking at your bulletin board you see every design she would have liked to see, to improve upon. One of them is the first design for Squarewave, drawn extra carefully with your ruler, and with little notes down the side in orange colored pencil. You give it a pained smile and think about how happy she was to see him. How she had taught you how to build him. How she had provided the very metal to do so. A stinging feeling wedges it’s say in your chest.

As you think of the source of the metal, that birthday, your mind faintly drifts to three words within your gifts. “for the future”. It’s certainly been future enough hasn’t it? Not to mention she’ll never be able to tell you when to open it. You think maybe you should save it for an important occasion, your wedding day, if you ever get married. Your next birthday, opening it on the anniversary of the day you received it. However, you’re thinking about her too much to not be too curious. Depriving yourself of it doesn’t seem right, especially now that she’s… You give a gentle sigh, and walk over to your closet, stretching to reach a box stacked carefully atop others. The stinging feeling burns a little as you flip open the lid. You carefully push aside the photos in it, smiling at some and and you feel the prick of tears in your eyes. You reach the bottom and there it sits. Faded green ink, corners curling, and a hint of water damage on the bottom right corner.

_For the future._

You turn it to the back and slowly attempt to be careful in opening it, managing only a few tears that don’t hurt the papers contained. You took them out, slowly, and smoothed them out. Her handwriting looping and friendly and familiar. You smile at it, a tear wetting your cheek, and begin to read.

_Dirk Strider,_

_This letter seems a little silly to write, but it is your birthday, I had to make it special after all. Hopefully you’ve waited to open it, I wouldn’t put it past your curiosity to open it early though, let’s not forget the zoo incident. I believe that zookeeper about had a heart attack. However that’s beside the point, the point is Dirk, I can’t see the future, I personally don’t believe the kooks that claim to. However, despite all the uncertainty for the future, in the present I know this. You are a very smart boy, insanely smart, I fear you’ll surpass me someday and I’ll be nothing but proud. I’ve taught you a lot so far, and I cannot wait to teach you so much more. Your brother has told me the extreme impact I’ve had on you, and I couldn’t be happier because I make you happy, (!) and that’s an honor in itself. I figure it’s about time you knew the impact you had on me._

_When I met you I had known Dave for years, since we were kids. I had heard word of a brother, and was especially curious given the, rather poor, circumstances the two of you were in. I initially was a bit of a babysitter, so Dave could sleep, or work, or deal with things. However I soon noticed what an exceptional child you were, are. Imagine me, an old woman of science, finding a child with a mind raging to learn it. So I wanted to teach you. Oh Dirk, teaching you is magnificent! You’re such a quick and wonderful learner, and so naturally intuitive. It is an absolutely pleasure to be able to teach such a, well, genius! Watching you grow and learn and become so well versed in the field I adore made me feel like I myself was great in my own right. Looking at what I’d taught you and how you yourself are amazing and **I taught that**! With this confidence you inspired in me, I was able to start a business, Skainet. Of course I had had the idea for years but you truly helped it blossom into reality. Skainet wouldn’t exist without you, and it certainly wouldn’t be as grand as I personally believe it is._

_Dirk I’ve watched you grow into an amazing eleven year old and I can’t even begin to imagine how absolutely spectacular you will be in the future. Being able to foster your talent, and to get to know you has been (and shall continue to be for many more years, I hope!) such an honor. Each and every day I’m thankful you are in my life. I cannot even dream of what’ll happen to us but right now, happy birthday Dirk. May many more just as fabulous years be shared between us._

_I love you so much._

_\- Jade English._

You read it again, and again, and your heart clenches and you smile and tears slip down your face. You loved her so much. You’re so happy you knew her. You put the letter down gently on your desk, and carry on with her words in your head.

**Author's Note:**

> I have wanted to write this AU forever! i have so many feelings about the alpha ladies.  
> as usual on tumblr at barefootcosplayer where i'm actually going to be posting a fun facts about this fanfiction post.  
> i hope you enjoyed, input is always appreciated!


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